My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
