Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize