Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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