I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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