so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
