ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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