I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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