i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
