Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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