I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
