Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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