The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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