you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
