Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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