At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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