I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He felt like a one man threesome
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize