Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
