I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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