too bad you live with your parents still
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
