Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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