dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
