We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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