i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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