maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize