im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
