My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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