I wish my penis had an off switch
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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