I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
