I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
