so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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