Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
