i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
