Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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