ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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