Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
