Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
