Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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