I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I puked a lego.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
