Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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