You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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