belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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