A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
