I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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