You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize