It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
