tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
