where am i from again
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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