I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
