I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
