I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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