____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
