i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
