i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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