Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
