Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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