you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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