I wish life had little blips of pornography
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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