and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
