I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
