You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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