my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Enjoy the penises
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
