If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
