the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
