I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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