Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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