"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
