Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
