You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
