Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
