It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
