i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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