It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
