I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
