party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
