i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
