I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
