I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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