I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize