i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
