he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
