Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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