Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
