watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
